top of page

LOVE: when it hurts, you're doing it wrong

Love is a verb; always has been, always will be.

There has been an article floating around Facebook for quite some time. Every time I see it, I read it & I immediately get filled with emotion based on how true it is.

The article discusses that in your lifetime you fall in love 3 times:

  1. Your first love. This love is innocent and can be considered puppy love.

  2. The hard love. This love looks right and may even feel right. But it is far from right!

  3. The lasting love. This love is unconditional and meant to last forever.

Chances are you're thinking of the people who fit those categories in your life right now. My stomach is in knots now just typing this. Those first 2 "loves" felt so right! We were going to get married & we were going to have kids. Or so I thought. In retrospect, red flags were everywhere! Which brings me to the reason I chose to write this blog post:

LOVE - When it hurts, you're doing it wrong.

No matter how many times someone says it, no matter how many cute fonts it's written in on Pinterest, I will never again believe the saying.... Love Hurts.

Let's skip the first love and go right to the second. I remember being so in love in college. I did everything I was "supposed" to do in my relationship. I was loving, I was supportive, I was giving (too giving), and I was present. I made it my business to love with every piece of my heart. I stayed through the hard times. I stayed through cheating. I stayed through lies. I stayed through being embarrassed. All because, well, I read somewhere that... Love Hurts. Back then I believed that! I thought the point of Love was to go through things. You know be a "Ride or Die".

I should have asked more questions. Where exactly are we riding to? Who else are you riding for? Why does she have to come too? Why do I have to die? among other things! But again... the world will teach you that... Love Hurts.

In that relationship, where I should have felt safe, secure & loved; I felt everything but that. But still I stayed because someone told me... Love Hurts.

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I DO NOT believe in perfect love & I know relationships are hard work. I understand relationships will come with trials( so many trials), but LOVE shouldn't hurt. Marriage is not always rainbows and unicorns, but it shouldn't be lies and tears either.

And now to the 3rd love. Here I am years later trying to reprogram my mind and my heart. When you spend years believing something, it's so hard to forget it. You never realize how damaged your heart is until someone shows you genuine love and you are awaiting the "hurt". I'm 6+ years into my journey with my forever love and I still have days when I question when the hurt is coming because someone showed me that... Love Hurts.

With everything I've endured I recognize that it may be very hard to love me, but he does it with grace. He protects my heart even when I don't deserve it. I'm so thankful. I'm so grateful. I'm so happy that I found someone who believes that Love Does Not Hurt.

The plan is to be intentional with love because I never want my husband to feel HURT. But if we ever get to a point where Love begins to hurt, I'll know that one of us is doing something so very wrong. & then we will change it.

because...LOVE does not hurt

& when it does, you're doing it wrong!



Can you remember your three loves? What lessons did you learn?

With love and light, always

Jalisa Nichole