The hardest lesson I've ever tried to learn is : YOU DO NOT HAVE TO REACT AND SEEK REVENGE FOR EVERY WRONGDOING AGAINST YOU. Yes, I said tried because this lesson is ongoing. I am still learning each and every day.
I am a super emotional person who takes most things personally. I rarely think about intent and mostly focus on actions. When I've been wronged, my mind goes quickly to how I can show this person that what they did was NOT OKAY. Not my best character trait, I know. In the past, I've been very adamant about "getting revenge". If I felt someone was ignoring my phone calls, I would tell myself not to answer the next time they called. If I felt disrespected, my next move was to find a way to disrespect them too. If I felt hurt by someone's words, I would immediately begin thinking about what I could say to hurt them more. There are so many other instances, but I think my point is clear.
Once I realized what I was doing, I knew something had to change. I had to change because...
Relationships are not competition
I found myself going "tit for tat" with people I love. My relationships were suffering because of it. I had to learn that keeping score in any relationship is a recipe for disaster. Relationships (romantic and other) cannot always be 50/50. People aren't perfect, and I was wrong to expect them to be. It is okay for me to be hurt or upset, but it is not okay for me to be vindictive. Not only is it completely unhelpful, it's also UNHEALTHY.
It is important to first seek to understand
As I mentioned in my opening, I very rarely try to understand "why". I used to take people's actions for what they were, regardless of intent. I didn't care what you meant to say, if what you actually said made me feel some type of way. Toxic trait? Perhaps. Or maybe a defense mechanism. Either way, recently I've been more intentional about my responses when I feel hurt. Now, I do my best to understand before I react.
You cannot let the actions of someone else change your character
I wanted revenge so bad, that I often did things that were outside of my character. Under normal circumstances I would NEVER be rude or disrespectful. But the second I felt slighted in any way, I thought I had to "get them back". I became a "let me show you" person. I wanted to show people that they weren't going to get away with their actions. This also ties into me holding grudges. So unnecessary.
I say all that to say, learn from me...
Take the boxing gloves off, sis. Everything isn't a fight.
Life is full of learning experiences. & I am only getting better with age.
Have you ever felt so strongly about a situation that you just HAD to get revenge?