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Dear mothers, You're killing it.

Dear mothers,

YOU'RE KILLING IT, & I can tell by the smile on your baby's face. There are new babies and new mommies everywhere on my timeline! I love to see it! But behind those beautiful newborn pictures, and instagram worthy selfies are TIRED MAMAS dealing with postpartum.

As I reflect over the last (almost) six months, the best way I can describe it is --- a roller coaster ride. I have had the highest of highs, the lowest of lows, and all the butterflies in between. Emotions change daily. One day I’m on top of the world thinking I could have ten more babies, and the next day I’m questioning every decision I’ve ever made.

For at least the first four months after delivering Krue, these were my daily thoughts:

I will ask for your advice if i want it, but I probably don’t!

Keep your unsolicited advice girl! People love throwing out their opinions and advice. Save it, I don’t need it. I don’t claim to be a motherhood expert, but I’m definitely an expert on Krue.

Dang, did my friends forget about me?

It’s really easy to feel alone after having a baby. Life is completely different, and then add Covid--- I felt like the only humans I would ever see were the employees at the Sonic drive-thru & the Target pickup crew.

Stop keeping tabs on my uterus!

People's favorite thing to say is “ Oh, you'll change your mind and have another one” or “You have to have just one more, who will he play with?”

Unless you plan to carry, raise, and FINANCE my next baby--you don’t get to have an opinion. & if I change my mind tomorrow or next year, that's my business.

But now as I’m nearing the six month mark here are some daily thoughts/affirmations that help make each day easier:

It’s easy to feel as though you’re not doing enough, but you are the best mom for Krue.

It definitely takes a village, but pick your village wisely. That village may look different from month to month & that is okay.

You had a baby in a pandemic- you can do anything.

I’ve spoken pretty openly about my postpartum experience, and I wanted to invite other moms to share their experience as well. Mamas deserve to know that what they’re feeling and going through, other moms have been there and can offer support-- only if requested of course.

Here are some questions I asked, and responses from 4 Mamas I really love and respect. I got chills reading some of their responses as our experiences were so closely related!

What was the most difficult part after giving birth?

I felt clueless, BABY wouldn't latch to breastfeed so that was difficult. I bought a nipple shield hoping that would help and it didn't. I began to pump but I just wasn't producing enough milk. I felt terrible that I wasn't able to feed her or feed her enough. I felt defeated when I had to completely go all formula.

The most difficult part after giving birth was feeling so alone. I know that I wasn’t but it felt that way. None of my mommy friends at the time had a NICU baby so they really did not understand my level of anxiety, fear, and guilt. Also, crying… A LOT! Lol I am a pretty upbeat person so it was unlike me to cry that much. Looking back I was extremely anxious and was grieving my life before becoming a mom. Which is normal.

The most difficult part after giving birth was ADJUSTMENT. There’s no book or guide on coming home with a newborn. In the hospital, you have the nurses to help but then you get home and it’s just you and him (or her).

I think the most difficult part for me has been having to take care of two under 2 by myself. Especially after healing from a C-section. I should have been taking it easy after having major surgery, but that didn't happen really.

Who was the most helpful to you? And in what way?

My father has been the most helpful to me honestly. He has a high emotional IQ. He had a way of speaking to his “little girl” and helping me know everything would be okay.

My mom for sure! She’s been by my side since day one.

My mother was the most helpful in obviously showing me how to be a new mom and helping around the house. My fiancé has been the most helpful in teaching me how to raise a boy into a man.

Uh, my mom and sister have been the most helpful. If I needed a break from my lively two year old, they would come and pick her up and keep her for the weekend. It was amazing to be able to sleep while the baby slept.

Did you ever have a time when you needed/ wanted help but didn’t want to ask for it?

There were plenty of times I needed or wanted help but didn’t ask for it because I didn’t want to bother other people.

I did. A lot of the time, but it was mostly help I wanted to receive from BABY's dad. He just never did enough so having to ask him made me angry because as a father it was stuff he should have been doing period.